Survey Responses
On this page, the women of the 2014 study speak for themselves, in their own words.
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Every quotation below is verbatim from the study’s responses, as published in the 2015 thesis or drawn directly from the anonymized survey data and published here for the first time; names are confidentiality pseudonyms. Responses appear exactly as the women wrote them, including original spelling; words in square brackets are editorial clarifications or privacy redactions. The survey was anonymous, and the voices are real.
A Note of Care
Some of these voices speak from deep loneliness, and some from despair. If they echo something in you, please know that you are not alone and that help exists within our community: the Khalil Center (Islamically integrated psychotherapy and spiritual care), Dr. Mazen Atassi and Maria Bachiri of Forward to Health (wholistic, relational, somatic-based counseling through the Re-membering the Heart method, healing the inner wounds beneath psychological, emotional, physical, and spiritual disturbance), Ruh (online therapy with Muslim clinicians), Naseeha (a Muslim mental health helpline), and Rabata’s Convert Care (one-on-one care sessions for convert women, in English, French, and Spanish). In the United States, calling or texting 988 reaches the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at any hour. Reaching out is not weakness; it is sunnah to seek the healer.
How would you define feeling Muslim? What does feeling Muslim mean to you?
Feeling Muslim means I am secure in my belief in God, in my faith and practice, and in the major tenets of Islam. That I do not need to look to others for validation or religious or cultural authenticity.
How would you define feeling Muslim? What does feeling Muslim mean to you?
It is the feeling that the Qur'an beats in my heart, that its recitation flows in my blood, that my soul prays at the feet of God, that I hear the voice of God everywhere, that I see God in everything, and that with each thing I say, do, or think, the pleasure of God is my foremost concern, and God's pleasure is earned by creating beauty, which sometimes means justice and knowledge, as much as it means art, music, and other common expressions of beauty.
How would you define feeling Muslim? What does feeling Muslim mean to you?
It's not just an outfit, it's your actual skin is how I would define it. Like your skin color or eye color, it's something you cannot take off and it's something you cannot view yourself as EVER taking off. It's just your natural state is being close to God and believing in God and the Prophet pbuh. It's not sitting there fasting while everyone around you has lunch, but smiling and explaining why you're fasting with joy.
How would you define feeling Muslim? What does feeling Muslim mean to you?
I think feeling muslim is when you accept the faith, the beliefs, and the practices and you actually Institute them in your life.
How would you define feeling Muslim? What does feeling Muslim mean to you?
Feeling isn't a rational thing. It's an emotional thing in many ways. I tend to think of things from a more thought-propelled point of view. And yet, when, as a non- practicer, I could rationally argue that I am no longer a muslim or would qualify as a fasiq (or whatever term the more judgmental would choose to utilize), there's always this part of me that just *completely intuits* that I am who I am, and Muslim is a part of it.
How would you define feeling Muslim? What does feeling Muslim mean to you?
Maybe we could say that "feeling" Muslim is what one does when they actively practice their faith. I mean, you could say shahada and then turn around and go on living the exact way you did prior to that. Would anything have really changed? In regards to religion, is it disingenuous to say one thing but do another? We seem to overlook "active" spirituality in today's society, viewing religion as an outlier in our lives that is purely passive or speculative in nature. / / Do you feel vegetarian when you actually eat meat even though you say you are a vegetarian? / / Being a Muslim isn't just a belief. It's an actual process or action one takes, that is, submitting to God. To submit is an active action. / / "Feeling" Muslim to me means actually "doing" the religion past just words.
How would you define feeling Muslim? What does feeling Muslim mean to you?
Feeling Muslim is more of an internalization of an identity that transcends spiritual beliefs. It's also about culture. It's the feeling you get when Ramadan approaches. It's the feeling you get when you're around non-Muslims. It's a feeling when you here the Adhan.
How would you define feeling Muslim? What does feeling Muslim mean to you?
This is wrapped up in the question of identity. I identify as Muslim, in many ways. Although it's not the only portion of my identity it is a large portion because it makes up the greater portion of my values and guides my every day choices. But feeling Muslim would entail feeling I belong as well. That of which I don't always feel. It's hard to connect to Muslims often.
Is there a difference between being/becoming Muslim by taking the shahada, and feeling Muslim?
HMMMM, that is kind of a difficult one to answer. I do believe over time that I do "feel" a lot more Muslim. There are just certain things that I identify with more strongly the longer I have been Muslim. I also realized this difference about a year ago, when it dawned on me that my kids were "born Muslims" - that part of their mentality was (and probably always will be) just a little bit different than mine since this was their first path.
Is there a difference between being/becoming Muslim by taking the shahada, and feeling Muslim?
In my heart I have always felt that I have been Muslim...taking the Shahada was just me making the commitment to accept the label. However I feel that other Muslims who I have met do not accept me labeling myself as such...it has been very frustrating and alienating.
How would you define feeling Muslim? What does feeling Muslim mean to you?
How does one define a feeling and sense of being? Someone connects with the idea if being Muslim. For some it's their life-long identity, nothing more. For some it is a passion for following the life-guidelines from Quran and Hadith. For me, it is a part of my self-identity. I love Prophet. Mohammed (pbuh), I strive to follow the rules for living he brought and his fine example of love in life. I feel Muslim because I am...
How would you define feeling Muslim? What does feeling Muslim mean to you?
I think becoming Muslim is a process and the regular rules that define Muslims don't always apply to new Muslims, unless they begin with a lot of knowledge. It's a process. The more you learn, the more one is able to become more.
How would you define feeling Muslim? What does feeling Muslim mean to you?
Just a state of being, an acceptance of how things are in the world metaphysically and physically. It's been an evolving process though, sincerity in a wide range of beliefs didn't come all at once but progressed over time. These rich and multiple definitions of feeling Muslim directly corroborate the findings of
Is there a difference between being/becoming Muslim by taking the shahada, and feeling Muslim?
Yes, I think so. It required for me a shift in values, which didn't happen overnight.
Is there a difference between being/becoming Muslim by taking the shahada, and feeling Muslim?
There is a very big difference (one that I am still grappling with and trying to grasp a year and a half after accepting Islam) between being Muslim and feeling Muslim. Alhamdulillah, my faith is as strong today as it was the day I took shahada and internally, I know that I am a Muslim. On the exterior, however, I often don't feel Muslim. I've realized that feeling Muslim tends to depend more on how others (Muslim or not) perceive you.
How would you define feeling Muslim? What does feeling Muslim mean to you?
Feeling Muslim has to do with an inner transformation, which only begins with one's shahadah. And to the extent that a convert does not invest time and effort toward learning Islam, toward claiming Islam, one could potentially never "feel" Muslim--it could theoretically always remain an external aspect of one's identity rather than an integral part thereof.
Is there a difference between being/becoming Muslim by taking the shahada, and feeling Muslim?
Well, the best way I can put it is shahada validates the return to Islam and signifies a vow to surrender your will to Allah ta'ala. Personally, in looking back on my life and correlating the feelings I had before and after shahada I realize I was already on the path long before this as my mannerisms and personal internal beliefs didn't need to change much. So for me, taking shahada to become Muslim and feeling Muslim is one in the same.
How would you define feeling Muslim? What does feeling Muslim mean to you?
I feel Muslim because I have a community where we all actively try our best to help each other out and bring each other up, while learning together more about Islam and encouraging more learning and to hang in there through the tougher times, having people that we have so many things in common with, not feeling alone.
Do you have a home Muslim community?
Although I live in [a Michigan city], the mastered [masjid] and community in [a Michigan city] does not give the support that I need for my children when they were young. I did not become Muslim and become involved in the Muslim community, for my children to experience racism and be called racist names at the Masjid. I therefore traveled with my children to the community in [a nearby city]. Where they were excepted [accepted] and taught Islam, and welcomed by a warm understanding and wise Muslim Community. I must credit this community with supporting my children and at the meeting them to the community and influencing them to remain Muslims throughout their lives. The five generations of us and even my mom are now all muslims.
How would you define feeling Muslim? What does feeling Muslim mean to you?
Feeling Muslim to me means feeling like I have a group that I fit into. A community support network for teaching and learning and friendships and help in times of need. It also means that I am present in my prayers and other worship and think of their meaning as I go through my day.
As an American convert, do you feel that you are an integral part of your Muslim community?
Yes, I feel like I am an integral part of my Muslim Community, because of the email program and the great website, not to mention a tight community where you can reach anyone easily including the Imam, I have been notified for many events to protest, volunteer, etc, and it allows me to participate in our community outreach and to help everyone out regardless of religion to ensure everyone has a chance to live a decent life.
As an American convert, do you feel that you are an integral part of your Muslim community?
I am the divorced, middle aged, white convert who keeps showing up. At some point, they stopped judging me or trying to marry me to one of the brothers, or get me to wear to hijab. They've gotten over it, and so have I. They notice if I am absent for a while, so I guess that makes me an integral part. I'm glad I have a place in their midst.
How would you define feeling Muslim? What does feeling Muslim mean to you?
I would define feeling Muslim as being a person who learns more deeply about the faith, has access to teachers that can open up the Qur'an and Hadith, being welcomed by community as a full member, practicing the faith with others and being an integral member of a community. Feeling Muslim in Relationship with the Divine Many respondents cited their relationship with Allah (God) as holding great significance
How would you define feeling Muslim? What does feeling Muslim mean to you?
When I can openly show my faith to Allah and to others is when I feel Muslim. It is not something that is seen with the eyes or made clear by other people but a feeling that the world is whole and we are here for a purpose that only Allah knows. Once we can truly put all our trust in Allah, we feel Muslim.
How would you define feeling Muslim? What does feeling Muslim mean to you?
I think when you *feel Muslim,* you see the world differently. You see the beauty of Allah’s creations. You see how something others might perceive as "bad," (losing a job/divorce/etc), is actually something good because Allah intends good for us. You feel like a stranger, not only because of our dress, but our outlook on life.
How would you define feeling Muslim? What does feeling Muslim mean to you?
Many times over these last several years I have felt a movement or a steadiness in my heart that I associate with a real connection with the Divine. Each time the connection is different, and each time I feel grateful. As time has gone on and I have learned more through Qur'an study, etc, the moments have come more frequently and with more reliability.
How would you define feeling Muslim? What does feeling Muslim mean to you?
I am connected to the greatest, most wonderful, amazing Being. Protected, provided for, loved. For me, as I don't feel very connected to the ummah, so to speak, because I don't, it's all about my connection to Allah. When I'm not feeling particularly "muslim", it's because I've been neglectful and gotten caught up in things that don't matter.
Is there a difference between being/becoming Muslim by taking the shahada, and feeling Muslim?
Yes, a large difference. Although I took the shahada, I have never felt Muslim. Almost immediately I was confronted with cultural and sectarian viewpoints from individuals who needed me to assume many cultural and sectarian external practices. I quickly found out that no one respected English translations of the Qur'an so I was locked out of the scripture in any approved way.
Is there a difference between being/becoming Muslim by taking the shahada, and feeling Muslim?
I believed before I took shahada. I took shahada first in my apartment with a couple of friends. I wanted to take it at the mosque, but my friend asked the imam there how I could become a Muslim, and the imam said he wouldn't let me take shahada until I knew enough Arabic to say my prayers.
Do Islamic gender roles play any part in your feelings of Muslimness?
Being separate in the mosque makes me feel as though men do not want us there. I am either peeking through holes of a wooden "cage" on the second floor or peering through a curtain as men interact with the Sheikh. I also feel like the guise of Islam allows many to continue sexist practices and promotes sexist beliefs. I do not believe that this is the essence of Islam, though.
Do Islamic gender roles play any part in your feelings of Muslimness?
I feel like the Qur'an has great flexibility in how it portrays women, but the Muslim mainstream community puts us in small boxes. The mainstream Muslim insistence on patriarchy makes me doubt my own readings of the Qur'an at times, making me feel less really Muslim.
As an American convert, do you feel that you are an integral part of your Muslim community?
I do not, because I do not feel welcomed by a majority of the community, especially those who were born into Islam. I also feel like I do not know enough to be an integral part of the community and my lack of knowledge would be used against me to discredit my opinions.
As an American convert, do you feel that you are an integral part of your Muslim community?
I feel an integral part of my small local Sufi community of converts, I feel apart from other cultural/ethnic muslims communities in the area. There is some interaction but not much.
As an American convert, do you feel that you are an integral part of your Muslim community?
No, I am definitely on the 'outside looking in'. Being involved in community events or more clear instruction would definitely make me feel like an integral part of my community. At this point, it would take a while for anyone to even notice that I did not come to a Halaqa, much less be listed as a member of the community or congregation. I am thrilled when someone occasionally offers advice or support.
As an American convert, do you feel that you are an integral part of your Muslim community?
Yes - I volunteer at the mosque, I participate in a halaqa with friends, my friend circle is largely (though not entirely ) Muslim, Islam is infused into every part of my life and when we were the only Muslims in town we felt profoundly isolated so we moved to be connected with other Muslims.
As an American convert, do you feel that you are an integral part of your Muslim community?
I'm not part of a community now, but I hope to be. Converts can play a huge role in dawah and understanding the challenges that converts face when coming to Islam - both from their families and society, and from the Muslim community.
How does feeling Muslim make you feel about yourself as an American?
I think Americans often don't understand islam so because I'm an American and a muslim sometimes I feel like an oxymoron. Sometimes muslims think that Americans can't be muslim, so I'm not accepted by the Americans because I'm muslim and I'm not accepted by the muslims because I'm American. This varies by community. I feel comfortable in America and I feel comfortable with muslims in America.
How does feeling Muslim make you feel about yourself as an American?
As for being Muslim in America that is a work in progress. As an American woman I feel free to practice my religion without some of the oppressive rules imposed on Muslim women in other countries. Here in American, Muslim are still are still fighting to be accepted by a largely Christian population. I feel that struggle from time to time.
How does feeling Muslim make you feel about yourself as an American?
I feel there is no conflict in being "Muslim" and "American" although the fact that others do makes it an issue but it doesn't have to be. Unacceptance of Muslims in America or Muslims in general stems from political interests, racism, ignorance, or dominant groups' tendency to feel cultural superior to minority groups.
How does feeling Muslim make you feel about yourself as an American?
I feel so proud to be an American! :) I see Islamic values being practiced in America quite often, whether it is conscious or not. I feel that America is a place like any other, with good and bad people. But in America, our rights are protected and our systems of government and justice are robust - and matched almost nowhere else in the world.
How does feeling Muslim make you feel about yourself as an American?
America is such a crazy place for religion. So many religions found so much crazy and wonderful expression here! Goodness! It seems so American to be Muslim! Really, the Nation is a perfect expression of that wildness of American religious commitment that is slightly utopian--and geared toward individual fulfillment of self even if articulated through community.
As an American convert, do you feel that you are an integral part of your Muslim community?
Yes. As a person who is white, born and raised in America and is a convert when discussing Islam with non-Muslims and fighting Islamophobia converts are crucial. Our voices carry more weight, it's a sad issue, but it is true. Besides that I am active in my community I help out the local MSA, I have hosted a group and I have helped a youth group. I plan on getting even more involved this year.
As an American convert, do you feel that you are an integral part of your Muslim community?
Yes, since I was born and raised in this country, I (and other American Muslims) am the bridge between Islam and the American culture. On the other hand, I feel as if American Muslims don't get enough say in the community. Muslims from "back home" tend to run the masajid and American Muslims are left out of that.
As an American convert, do you feel that you are an integral part of your Muslim community?
No, born Muslims expect certain aspects of culture in their Islam, like biryani for iftar or shalwar kameez as Eid outfits or no conversations between sexes. I miss bacon. Don’t discount me because I wear jeans and I have platonic relationships with men. I live in America and that is nearly impossible to avoid. Do I make sure these relationships are as halal as possible YES. Would this pass Arab muster? No.
How would you define feeling Muslim? What does feeling Muslim mean to you?
I might feel more Muslim if I had others around me who were Muslim that I could relate to. I also wish I could speak more Arabic and recite more prayers. I might feel more Muslim if I had a trusted source that I could ask questions of. The one time I always 'feel' Muslim when I am praying next to other women. This is a time that my heart is always at peace. Still--I am worried that I am not Muslim enough to participate sometimes.
Is your choice of attire related to your feelings of Muslimness?
It was - taking off the headscarf was really, really hard for me; I thought I wasn't really a Muslim anymore. And now, being alone, it's a slippery slope. Ok, so I'm still a Muslim even with my hair down. Am I still a Muslim if I don't pray taraweeh? If I drink? If I don't fast??? I hate these questions - I wish I had someone to talk to.
Is your choice of attire related to your feelings of Muslimness?
It affects my feeling of Muslimness, but does not affect other Muslims' (meaning born Muslims) feelings of my Muslimness. To be honest, I feel Muslim in jeans and a t-shirt now. But sometimes wearing a kurta or scarves (or even a sundress with jeans) makes me feel part of the group a bit more.
As an American convert, do you feel that you are an integral part of your Muslim community?
No. I am not part of my Muslim community at all. I will spend a lot of time with books and with the Quran before I become involved again. I do not interact with other Muslims other than a few who I knew before I converted and even came to the mosque. My passion has always been in community activism and teaching, so I believe I need to move more toward people and groups that act through their faith in this capacity.
As an American convert, do you feel that you are an integral part of your Muslim community?
At the last jummah I went too, last week, at a new mosque (for me) wearing very normal dress, cardigan, and hijab, and knowing absolutely no one in that building nor anyone who does know someone, the women did not speak to me, except a few said salaam, and when they closed the lines for prayer, no one would stand next to me. I have absolutely no idea why. / That has been a singular event, but things like this are always on my mind.
As a convert, do you feel welcome in your Muslim community?
As a single American women, I am welcomed and not welcomed. They don't know what to do with me, and truthfully there is nothing to do with me because the system doesn't allow for that. In my Sufi community, I feel welcomed and feel the bond of other American female converts women's friendship - that is great.
As a convert, do you feel welcome in your Muslim community?
Yes, despite language barriers I feel very welcome, and have developed many close friendships with Muslims here. I would say meeting friendly and helpful people definitely helps. One thing that I really appreciate in China as compared to my brief experiences with Muslim communities in the US is that people here don't primarily think of me as a convert, or that my conversion is something special. When I was back in the US everyone asked me when I converted or to tell me about how I converted and primarily identified me as a convert as though I was different or lesser, but in China other Muslims just treated me as Muslim.
As a convert, do you feel welcome in your Muslim community?
Yes and no. I feel welcome to the extent that I reach out and do not allow myself to be constricted by fear or self-pity. I feel somewhat out of place when I attend events and notice people grouped by ethnicity. But this is a struggle endemic to the ummah, and does not touch only converts.
As a convert, do you feel welcome in your Muslim community?
Not particularly. But sometimes, totally. Things that make me feel welcome: being hugged and wished Eid Mubarak by aunties I don't even know right after Eid prayers. Things that make me feel unwelcome: having one of said aunties tell me "it's too bad your bangs are peeking out from your hijab, now your Eid prayer won't be valid". Welcome: Smiles, Salams, Introductions, Inclusion. Unwelcome: Stares, Whispers, Being left out of conversations (particularly in other languages -- and I don't mean when the person only speaks another language, but when EVERYONE there knows/speaks English, and I'm the only one who doesn't speak ______ (fill in the blank), and yet that language keeps getting used). Welcome: Explanations, Translations, Warm Wishes. Unwelcome: Admonitions, Warnings, Corrections (unkindly expressed).
As a convert, do you feel welcome in your Muslim community?
I have traversed American and immigrant Muslim communities throughout my Islamic life. I was less welcomed in immigrant communities, but I never equated my Islam with the behavior of Muslims. It was purely for the pleasure of Allah. This attitude allowed me to be pleasant and change some attitudes of Muslims who choses to ignore or mistreat me. I have been in immigrant communities where sisters pull away from when we line up for salat because they don't want to touch me. I've been in gathering where everyone spoke English, but chose to speak another language, knowing that I only spoke English.
As a convert, do you feel welcome in your Muslim community?
At my current mosque, I would say no. Aside from the few people I know whom I run into there, I feel very isolated there. It's commonplace for me to be stared at with no Muslim greeting as I walk by, even if I start it. I know that I am shy, so perhaps part of the problem lies with me. However, people really do seem cliquey there and it's just hard for me to break through.
As a convert, do you feel welcome in your Muslim community?
I think this is a mixed picture. Most born Muslims I met were welcoming, but some other I heard about questioned whether an American could be a real Muslim.
As a convert, do you feel welcome in your Muslim community?
Nooooooo. / There was too much pressure to conform to rules I had no knowledge of (e.g. divorce your non-Muslim husband). Sit behind the partition/in a separate room/behind the men, etc. If this wasn't done in Muhammad's day (pbuh), then why the *innovation*? Why can't my husband sit with me? This and the "divorce him" part just drove him completely away! How can Islam win converts with this stance?
As a convert, do you feel welcome in your Muslim community?
yes.... there are a few key members in the community that are like the welcome wagon so when we are together it is a good feeling because of the greetings and smiles and conversations.
Have you ever thought about leaving Islam?
No. When I accepted it I knew it was the truth and I can't imagine rejecting that.
Have you ever thought about leaving Islam?
Yes. But in my heart I believe there is no god but God and Muhammad is his messenger. I believe in the 5 pillars. So I can't NOT be Muslim.
Have you ever thought about leaving Islam?
Yes, I do not feel I belong in Islam, but I do hope I will retain the depths of inner teaching I have received.
Have you ever thought about leaving Islam?
No. It would be a fundamental rejection of the truth, of my path. I do the best I can with the tools I have, and feel such incredible gratitude for having tasawwuf to frame all of this in a deeper way, one that allows flexibility and appreciation for the my brothers and sisters who don't practice tasawwuf. There is an inner dimension and an outer dimension of Islam, and they both have value and bring meaning to my life.
Have you ever thought about leaving Islam?
Yes, early on, when I ran into some questions I couldn't reconcile. I wondered if I would be incapable of remaining Muslim.
Have you ever thought about leaving Islam?
Sometimes it is difficult when people and things bring doubt about my faith with questions like "why do you believe a book written more than 1000 years ago?" or "we only have a short life why live by so many rules?". It make me think but I do not think about leaving Islam. I think it is important to think about these kind of questions in order to have a stringer faith system.
Have you ever thought about leaving Islam?
Not leaving Allah, but leaving the so-called practice. I guess becoming 'unmosqued".
Have you ever thought about leaving Islam?
Yes, I felt so isolated and this wasn't what I fell in love with
Have you ever thought about leaving Islam?
Sometimes I get fustrated with all of the rules and do's and don'ts I get bogged down with if you didn't pray at the exact time your prayer is not admissible, or because you didn't cover your neck ears,arms and but you are not properly covered. You can't pray on your menses, so many rules. /
Have you ever thought about leaving Islam?
Not anymore. At first I was having second thoughts, after that sister got on me about my scarf color.
Have you ever thought about leaving Islam?
No, I have never though about leaving islam. I get mad at God sometimes, sometimes quite often and sometimes quite intensely. For example, I have been suicidal at times and I also wanted to hurt God, but I knew that I couldn't. How did you fight God? You can't. So, I ended up refusing to obey Him. I would intentionally not fast because I was so mad at God. "You can't make me do it!" was my childish attitude. I knew that I couldn't leave islam because that would be a lie. I knew God and knew who He was and who He was not. Islam is a recognition of the truth. In order to leave islam I would have to fake it or lie to God.
Have you ever thought about leaving Islam?
No. But I did think about giving up finding a Muslim to marry. It was too crushing to repeatedly face the ethnocentrism prevalent in many Muslim communities.
Have you ever thought about leaving Islam?
Yes. Some things that people have said or done, but what keeps me here is Allah. Also, when I first converted a Sheikh told me this, "Never judge a religion by its people". If the religion wasn't as beautiful as it is and if the Ahlul-Bayt a.s. weren't how they were I would have left.
Have you ever thought about leaving Islam?
I haven't really thought about leaving Islam, though I've certainly left mainstream the Muslim community, and sometimes I wonder what is the point of defining myself as a Muslim when much of my belief and/or practice is far from the normative brand of Islam put out by the mosques here in the US or even more so the militant political Islam of the middle and far east. I don't think of myself as being unMuslim in the eyes of God, only in the eyes of my fellow humans. It is certainly more difficult to feel Muslim under those circumstances. Sometimes I wonder if the Muslim community is so far away from what I thought the Qur'an stood for, maybe the Qur'an doesn't stand for what I think it stands for and in which case my whole faith crumbles. But so far, I have rejected that and accepted that a huge majority of folks can be wrong about something and that something still be right for you.
Is your current community meeting your spiritual needs?
No. They could have classes geared towards converts, some for new shahada's and some for more advanced converts. More effort could be made to make converts feel involved in the community. Every Board at every masjid in America should have an American convert as a member. We have no "ownership" in our own communities and very often are not given any opportunity to do so.
Is your current community meeting your spiritual needs?
no! we don't have a Imam...and we desperately need one. I need someone I can ask question of who has knowledge...and I need to hear khutbahs that are relevant and in English!
Is your current community meeting your spiritual needs?
No. / / They could let the masjid be a masjid and not a community center, a day care, a drop in eating place, etc. They could have consistent programs offered by people that have more qualifications than just "Arabic speaker." They could do things properly instead of haphazardly like they may have done in their home countries, and they could stop constantly creating an 'us' vs 'them' mentality. I'm fully American - it is a fact that I'm neither ashamed of or proud of. I am 10th generation American -
Is your current community meeting your spiritual needs?
Yes. There are lots of events and talks, and we have an amazing Imam who facilitated my early experiences with Islam beautifully.
Is your current community meeting your spiritual needs?
No, not at all. I wish there were classes for converts outside of the internet.
Is your current community meeting your spiritual needs?
Yes we have classes, weekly prayer and open daily for all five prayers. We have very well educated leaders (male and female) who you can ask questions about Islam anytime you need.
Is your current community meeting your spiritual needs?
No. A halaqa for converts would be nice, as well as info on trained Imams in our area and how to contact them with questions. Even though I've been Muslim for just over 7 years, I don't know that many people and I'm still shy, so maybe someone who will introduce new converts. And teachers and support people who understand that, just because I'm a convert, it doesn't mean that I have questions about basic things like how to pray.
Is your current community meeting your spiritual needs?
No, I believe that there arent convenient programs in central locations. I believe [a large African-American masjid in the South] has a great community however, they at times are unable to relate to converts needs, and or people who may of not grown up with the WD community/ descended from the Nation of Islam.
Is your current community meeting your spiritual needs?
No. I think sisters and brothers need to reach out to converts so the convert feels as if they belong. It is very lonely to try and learn by yourself
Is your current community meeting your spiritual needs?
As I mentioned elsewhere, not really because of the gender thing. The lectures typically can't be heard in the women's section and most of the women don't seem interested in hearing them. Besides that learning opportunities seem only fire-and-brimstones lectures or detailed fiqh focused (does brushing my teeth break my fast etc.) without much spiritual focus or talk about the justice issues that I feel are so important to me as a Muslim (local food movements, mass incarceration, inequity, and environmentalism).
Does your family support you (spiritually, socially, emotionally, financially) since your conversion to Islam?
My family supports my continuation of Islamic practices. I think they support my happiness, and generally any spiritual path that supports that. Once my husband asked me to leave, I went through a rough time, but I believe it is all for the better. Their support is probably greater now than ever, since I have reclaimed the parts of myself that make me whole.
Does your family support you (spiritually, socially, emotionally, financially) since your conversion to Islam?
Yes, though the religion aspect took a bit of time. Most of the issues had to do with an aversion to change along with stereotypes and things they had heard about Islam/Muslims.
Does your family support you (spiritually, socially, emotionally, financially) since your conversion to Islam?
They poke fun at my religion and do not support it at all.
Does your family support you (spiritually, socially, emotionally, financially) since your conversion to Islam?
I was Muslim when I had to move back in after being out of the house for sooo long. I decided not to tell my step-dad, he was way too brainwashed (Fox news) and he was already older, so the opinion of my mom and sister mattered and that's who I shared my news. They have been so supportive as far as being understanding of my religion, but I still often feel alone. I think marriage will be helpful since for so long I have been practicing by myself...so many Ramadans by myself and even when I was with my family they don't really understand the meaning.
Does your family support you (spiritually, socially, emotionally, financially) since your conversion to Islam?
Yes. It was difficult at first to accept, but my mother says that she has seen many positive changes in me. My mother supports me even more after my conversion to Islam. She tries to help me keep balanced in my life.
Does your family support you (spiritually, socially, emotionally, financially) since your conversion to Islam?
No. Islam is very difficult for them - not the truth of Islam, but the falsehoods promoted by the Christian Right. They refuse to listen to anything I say about Islam. They assume I have been deluded and the real Islam has been kept secret from me -- that they know what it is, that I worship a different god, that I inadvertently support all sorts of terrorism, repression, discrimination etc. simply because I embrace Islam. They seem to think one day I will break out of this phase. They say they love me but the rift has just grown larger.
Does your family support you (spiritually, socially, emotionally, financially) since your conversion to Islam?
They continued to support me financially until I left the country, although I was older so they expected me to work. They noticed that I am much better toward the family than I was before Islam. They support my path and respect it, though it has taken some work with my mother because she hears things on the news and sometimes forgets what I tell her.
Does your family support you (spiritually, socially, emotionally, financially) since your conversion to Islam?
After seeing that I am finally truly happy they are very supportive. They are still iffy about hijab but its because they think I'm dying of heat or something which isn't the case. Now my mother converted on her 53rd birthday and I am happy to slowly but surely help her in her new way of life.
Does your family support you (spiritually, socially, emotionally, financially) since your conversion to Islam?
Definitely not now. My parents bring alcohol into my house and badger me to drink. My mom cries and asks me to break my fast. And so on - I didn't realize how horrible it was until I typed it out.
Does your family support you (spiritually, socially, emotionally, financially) since your conversion to Islam?
No. My family never was very supportive of me and is even less supportive of me.
Does your family support you (spiritually, socially, emotionally, financially) since your conversion to Islam?
Yes, for the most part, the support is the same. When I first converted, my family was concerned because I was young and they worried that I had gotten caught up in an extremist ideology (most likely due to the way Islam and Muslims are portrayed in American media), but the most important thing was to show them that I was still the same person and that in fact, Islam had made me a better person.
Does your family support you (spiritually, socially, emotionally, financially) since your conversion to Islam?
Not as much. My parents still love me, but my father won't appear in public with me because I wear hijab. My mother does so rarely; it's very hard for her. My parents also cut me off financially after I finished undergrad; they do offer some financial support but it's more limited. Spirituality is now a major point of contention, and I can't discuss it with them. If anything, interacting with my parents is damaging to my spirituality and emotional wellbeing, so I limit my contact with them. After my marriage to a Muslim in 2009, my father stopped speaking to me, and I was no longer welcome in my parents' home. Now that I'm divorced, things have improved a little, but we have a long way to go.
How would you define feeling Muslim? What does feeling Muslim mean to you?
For me as a convert, feeling Muslim means that I don't feel like a guest in someone else's culture or religion. I take ownership of my own faith as an all-encompassing way of living, and understand that I am authentically Muslim. I don't have to assimilate to, for example, Egyptian or Pakistani culture in order to be 100% authentically Muslim.
How would you define feeling Muslim? What does feeling Muslim mean to you?
"Feeling Muslim"...that doesn't seem like a relevant or important area to explore, but I guess the times when I "FEEL" the most Muslim is when I am submitting to Allah swt and choosing things that please Allah swt over things that please my self. That is when I "feel Muslim"
How would you define feeling Muslim? What does feeling Muslim mean to you?
I felt mercy from God upon me, i felt protection and love from God. I felt new and sinless.
How would you define feeling Muslim? What does feeling Muslim mean to you?
It's a peace and an understanding of the world around me. It's the joy when I meet another brother or sister. It's the respect I feel when brothers avert their eyes, not because I'm not important, but because I'm so important.
How would you define feeling Muslim? What does feeling Muslim mean to you?
Feeling Muslim for me is actually to believe in the deen (particularly in the state of the “Ummah”, I do not think one can try to live in this world as a Muslim with all the controversy without truly believing, otherwise there is no way I would be part of it!) and trying one’s best to practice it to the best of my ability by sound intention.
How would you define feeling Muslim? What does feeling Muslim mean to you?
Peace. Feeling Muslim means to me feeling peace. Knowing my heart, mind, soul are all reconciled in belief. Knowing I am on straight path, knowing there are clear signs and I see and believe.
How would you define feeling Muslim? What does feeling Muslim mean to you?
The previous question didn't reflect the essence of what I was feeling. After knowing about Islam I feel I was already Muslim but it was my parents who brought me to the church. Still my demeanor, mannerisms and practices followed Islam very closely before shahada. Feeling Muslim to me means that no matter what I am faced with, the challenges and obstacles, there is a reason for it and that all things good and bad increase what we know toward the good. I feel contentment and a surety that everything in my life is meant to happen. It takes away the need to question my experiences as I am certain that Allah ta'ala Knows what is best for me. And I feel more at ease because of this and thankful to Allah ta'ala for all of it knowing the outcome of my experiences will lead to a stronger foundation and steadfastness in living a righteous life.
How would you define feeling Muslim? What does feeling Muslim mean to you?
I dont know how i would define "feeling muslim", because i wasnt born muslim, so i dont know what that feels like to a born muslim. / / when i was "born" into christianity because of my parents, and attended church and listened to Gospel and was able to speak to a few of my friends about christianity, i guess i felt like a christian, because i was surrounded by it through family, friends, and church. / / Now, I am the only muslim in my family, and anything in islam that i believe in, my parents dont always understand. Wearing hijab made me feel restricted and alone, and unattractive. i looked like an old woman. i can never get a cute fashion like some other muslim women i'd see. some of the mosque's ive been to, some people seem to be in there own circle or inhospitable. Sometimes i wonder if an african american mosque will be more friendly, but i dont want to travel too far to find one, or travel to an unfamiliar neighborhood. (perhaps these reasons and more are why i dont "feel" muslim, but during my 2014 fast in Ramadhan, i am trying to find a friend in Allah (swt) so that i dont feel so lonely. insha Allah. (because at the end of the day I am doing this for Allah and myself, not other people) But it doesnt hurt having a muslim community around you sometimes.
How would you define feeling Muslim? What does feeling Muslim mean to you?
I think it means viewing the world as a Muslim. It means taking your actions, words, and thoughts into consideration and making sure what you are doing is in line with Islam.
How would you define feeling Muslim? What does feeling Muslim mean to you?
Having a sense of pride in who you are, and knowing exactly what your beliefs are in Islam. I am truly looking forward to the day I can say, with confidence, I am a Muslim woman. I am looking forward to the day that I can wear my hijab and dare anyone to question me. I am looking forward to the day that I can do my prayers and understand what I am doing. Most of all, feeling Muslim to me means having total acceptance in Allah's eyes.
How would you define feeling Muslim? What does feeling Muslim mean to you?
Submission to God, and knowing that I am following true guidance based on the Quran alone.
How would you define feeling Muslim? What does feeling Muslim mean to you?
To me feeling Muslim is wonderful because I have the understanding / That there is only one God the creator of all and I have a one in / One relationship with my Lord!
How would you define feeling Muslim? What does feeling Muslim mean to you?
It means living out loud as a muslim, all day, every day.
How would you define feeling Muslim? What does feeling Muslim mean to you?
Feeling Muslim to me is feeling comfortable in my own skin. Feeling comfortable to discuss my feelings about Islam and answering questions. The feeling of peace when in the masjid or around other Muslims. The feeling of confidence in knowing that Allah has guided me to this beautiful deen. When you feel Muslim it shows in your walk, your talk and your interactions with others.
How would you define feeling Muslim? What does feeling Muslim mean to you?
I dont think you feel muslim. I feel like a woman who takes greater care of herself, her identity, her self worth because she loves allah, he loves me and I want to please allah.
How would you define feeling Muslim? What does feeling Muslim mean to you?
Taking shahada was enough to make me feel Muslim.
How would you define feeling Muslim? What does feeling Muslim mean to you?
When people ask me what does it feel like to be Muslim i describe it as having a sense of love in your heart only a women can have seeing her child for the first time. It unconditional.
How would you define feeling Muslim? What does feeling Muslim mean to you?
I felt a peace I had never felt before. Islam is the religion of peace, how could you not feel peace in a peaceful religion? Just the thought to know that every time you pray, how many hundreds of Muslims are praying with you in your time zone? There is so much unity and peace intertwined in islam.
How would you define feeling Muslim? What does feeling Muslim mean to you?
Feeling Muslim is when you feel comfortable in Islam and in your identity. It's when you wake up excited to pray fajr, when you proudly don hijab, when you've read the Qur'an a hundred times but still love to read it.
How would you define feeling Muslim? What does feeling Muslim mean to you?
I don't know. The feeling that Allah is the Greatest and learning to understand in Pre destination truly. That by living you life as best as you can in submission to the guidelines for living a righteous life as provided to us from Allah through the Prophet Muhammed was the best way of life. Islam is a way of life, not so much a religion to me. Since I did, I have never looked back. Yes it was difficult being able to stay of the straight and narrow path and the hardships became stronger, but through faith and persistence and constanty crying out to my RABB for guidance, I make it day by day
How would you define feeling Muslim? What does feeling Muslim mean to you?
Being accepted as a full fledged member of the community and not some token special member.
How would you define feeling Muslim? What does feeling Muslim mean to you?
Just like God has your back. He loves you. Worship him and you have the best friend 24/7 at your back
How would you define feeling Muslim? What does feeling Muslim mean to you?
I had been a feminist, liberal, agnostic/atheist, career woman type. In some ways, I didn't change, but in other ways, I had already gradually changed as I lived here and read about Islam. I guess feeling Muslim means that I filter everything I do through the perspective of Islam, I see the common good as more important than individualism, etc.
How would you define feeling Muslim? What does feeling Muslim mean to you?
Feeling Muslim is knowing that there is no conflict/insecurity between what I believe & how I live
How would you define feeling Muslim? What does feeling Muslim mean to you?
I don't feel Muslim :/ Plain as that. If I wasn't hijabi, people would probably assume I was just really Christian or Jewish.
Is your current community meeting your social needs?
Yes, everyone is very friendly. I've made lots of close friends particularly with a group of Muslim students from universities in the city where I live, as their English is much better. We often meet together to cook or socialize, and talk about Islam. Additionally I've gotten to know some families in the city that have invited me into their homes. Although we can't communicate very clearly with language, those times are always warm, interesting, and enjoyable.
Is your current community meeting your social needs?
I do belong to a Muslim women's group as well as a Qur'an discussion group, and the members do meet some of my social needs. I especially enjoy meeting with the Muslim women's group. However, I am new to the area where I live and so have not built up strong ties yet.
Is your current community meeting your social needs?
Again no my local community does not. But my community in [a nearby city] is extremely helpful in all areas of social emotional and spiritual development. We have been involved in so many different activities for the young and young adults and the older Muslim. And we are all learning and are joyful in our practice of Islam and loving each other as ALLAH tells us to do in AL QURAN
Were there any outside influences that nurtured or hindered your feelings of Muslimness?
No. All of my struggles, in this respect, have come from myself, and all of my joys from Allah.
Is there a difference between being/becoming Muslim by taking the shahada, and feeling Muslim?
I think that everyone upon taking their shahada feels Muslim. It is an overwhelming feeling of joy and ecstasy. but being a Muslim requires studying, learning, and implementing to the grave.
What do you feel led you to the particular branch of Islam you are associated with?
The beauty, and joy, and the peace I found. And, the practical help that the path provided. When one surrenders to what Allah makes, arrogance, depression, etc. become less.
Is your current community meeting your spiritual needs?
I enjoy attending Jummah services. I feel a real sense of togetherness on Fridays. /
How did you first come to know about Islam?
At first, I came to Islam by curiosity. I saw other muslimahs when they were in college and they were at peace. they talked about the joy they felt when they prayed and recited the first chapter of the when [the Qur’an]. in the back of my mind, I was envious because they were in content with who they were and at the time I was not.
How would you define feeling Muslim? What does feeling Muslim mean to you?
I can be a Muslim and perform all the duties that make me a Muslim, but if I don't have the right mindset or I'm not learning or hearing lectures then I don't feel Muslim. When I find myself depressed or discouraged about something in Islam, then a lot of times I don't feel Muslim or I don't feel like I should. If I'm going to lectures, jummah prayers, learning about Islam, reading the Qur'an...that's when I feel like I'm Muslim. I feel alive. I'm not just doing the rituals of Islam like praying five times daily, I'm actually enjoying the prayers, and they become acts of worship to God rather than something to speed through.
Is your choice of attire related to your feelings of Muslimness?
I don't believe the hijab is required but I do feel solidarity and joy when I see a hijabi.
What brought you to the decision that you should convert to Islam?
I think what brought me to the decision is the more Muslims that I met the more I realized how much they believed in God and how happy and how much they loved their religion. I also really wanted a religion, I didn't want to die without a religion or one that I have been practicing. So, I thought about life and how being Muslim would change it. And, I really believed in my heart that I could honestly be Muslim and commit to it for the rest of my life and the hereafter. There were no factors that influenced my decision. I would also say that I liked the sense of community or ummah in Islam, and what I realized is that I saw a lot of Muslim doing their best to follow what Islam has commanded and they did it with joy and understanding. I felt they had a special gift and I wanted to be part of it.
What do you feel led you to the particular branch of Islam you are associated with?
Rumi was probably one of my earliest influences in Islam, without knowing it. His words always spoke to my heart directly, beyond all religion. I love the non-dogmatism of Sufism and the embracing of the arts in demonstrating and touching Divine Love.
What do you feel led you to the particular branch of Islam you are associated with?
I believe I was divinely guided.
What do you feel led you to the particular branch of Islam you are associated with?
When I reverted, I taught myself from readily available texts. All of the information I read about hadith from the Sunni perspective was like absolute truth. / / Every hadith I read, every thing I read about the prophet was like an answer falling out of the sky. Answers to questions I had had for my whole life. / / These hadith and stories and practices just happened to be Sunni, and the Muslims in the city I was living in were all Sunni. / / When I learned about Shia ideas - the divine nature of the prophet's family - that was just bizarre to me. / / I was like, 'no, no one is divine but Allah, and only the prophets are special. No one is better than anyone else because of who they are related to, unless he is a prophet in his own right.' / / Shia principles were so close to Catholic principles in my mine that they were just, not at all convincing to me. However, I have no opinions or judgement about what Shias do in their personal or spiritual lives. It's just not my thing. / / I am drawn to the actions and attitudes of people who say they are Sufi. Interestingly, Sufis smile and by and large, no one else does. / / Also, I have a few skepticial assesments of certain hadith, not all of them, but I am not so Sunni that i believe that my husband should wear short pants, that kind of thing... I think the prophet probably said things that were misinterpreted when compared with what we know about the rest of his life, and the message of the Quran. I am Sunni, but I'm not one who thinks men are bad if they don't wear big beards. That kind of 'dress up' attitude drives me crazy to be honest. But, to each his own. I am glad that I pray and fast like so many other people in the world - whether someone has a beard or wears a cap has nothing to do with how Muslim they are or are not in my opinion.
How does feeling Muslim make you feel about yourself, your relationship with God, and your communities?
It depends on the context and how Muslim is being identified. If it's revolving around a negative aspect of the Muslim community, I don't feel particularly Muslim at the time. At that point (for example when the subject of terrorism comes up), feeling Muslim can trigger both a defensive feeling as well as a feeling of shame or anger, some of it directed towards the self, but often directed towards the outside / / God and I have been butting heads for a while, to use an anthropomorphic term. I'm realizing that Islam isn't God, it's a tool to get there. I feel like we deify the faith at the expense of the divine itself. So, my feeling Muslim really has a lot less to do with about my feelings regarding my relationship with God. Once I stop worrying about all the "rules" of islam, the urge to fight with God actually disappears and I realize a lot of things are just old clutter that's collected around that tool... / / My feeling muslim is minimal in the sense of local and global muslim communities. I still keep in touch with many friends I had when I was more religious, though some have chosen to cut ties once I stopped putting on the appearance of looking more religious than I actually was. And that's ok, too! I recently went to a very egalitarian Muslim meeting this year, the first I had been to in years. I was asked to say the adhan, and I was simply terrified at the prospect. I ended up doing so, and I felt some things I think I had shut away and compartmentalized for a long time. I enjoyed the group I was with. I also saw, that even in the more progressive circles, that people have the potential to act just as good and just as bad as any other group of individuals act. It's the human condition. So, my links remain, though they're light ones. I believe that keeping them light is one of the few reasons why I still "feel" muslim to this day. / / I have very little sense of self as an American, with the exception of the fact that I am currently an ex-pat living in Canada. So, it rears its head often in the same way that my Muslim identity shows up-- either when someone is being inaccurate, or when someone is being hostile. How funny, that two groups often disliked by the greater population at large are two parts of my identity that so many see as being diametrically opposed to one another.
Have you ever thought about leaving Islam?
Yes. Everyday. It is the stress of being unwelcome, I don't follow the herd and that is frowned upon. I'm not a sheeple. I sometimes feel some rules are silly. I get tired of, because I'm a revert/convert my voice has no weight to it. I'm often dismissed and chastised for having my own thoughts. Some people are just too strict and uptight. Allah has given us this life to enjoy and to work trough at the best we can. Some people just feel it is a test and can't stop and see the blessing life really is.
Have you ever thought about leaving Islam?
No, not at all. I would never give up my connection to the divine. It is what makes me feel whole and complete. A community would be nice, but I don't need it to feel and practice my faith.
Yes, I would say there is a difference, being Muslim just involves taking the shahada. I would say feeling Muslim is much more of a process. When I took the shahada I became Muslim, and had the intention to live my beliefs but I still hadn’t made many changes in my life other than my beliefs. I would say through the process of learning how to pray and making the prayers a part of my daily life, fasting during Ramadan, and connecting with other Muslims that I started to feel Muslim. The more Islam became a part of my daily life the more I “felt Muslim.”
Nicole · Feeling Muslim Study · 2014New voices from the study are shared regularly on our Instagram. Each post features one anonymous respondent's answer to one of the 40 survey questions.
@feelingmuslimproject on Instagram"Growth in grace is accomplished by slow degrees, and not per saltum... Why does the formation of an infant take nine months? Because God's method is to work by slow degrees."
Jalāl al-Dīn Rūmī · Mathnawī · Book VI · tr. Reynold A. Nicholson